she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
