You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
