So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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