i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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