Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
birth control should be required to get into college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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