I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
