theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's always time for handjobs
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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