my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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