Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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