Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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