he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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