do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
