Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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