she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
