When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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