You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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