I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
