Kiss
Puke
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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