So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
