when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
