in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
