Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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