May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
