we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
