is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
