I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
