neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love you. Go after that dick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
