Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
