remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm at about main and main street
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
