some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
