I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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