So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
