Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
