If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
