Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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