How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize