can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
