3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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