Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
