Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
