Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
