Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You took a bar mat shot.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
