I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
