So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
