tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
