Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
