i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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