so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
