I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
