I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
