Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
