Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I party with great urgency now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
