Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
