I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
