He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize