He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
