I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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