Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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