what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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