my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
