I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
