So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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