The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
