I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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