tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
