I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
