you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
