Fuck appropriateness.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
