My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am one with the molecules
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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