Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
