we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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