i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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