To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
