now i know why i became what i already was.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
