dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
